Being a aspiring nutritionist ,I meet new people who discuss their weight with me. They share their deepest sorrows and wishes. I'm going to show you two very different people today. Two totally different self opinions . I'll give you an insight in their minds. They share the same goal they want the same change still see how D accepts and N rejects, health over depression.
‘’Well in a world where every one loves ‘themselves’ how can I think about different or same I just want to be gorgeous, starvation! i will try any thing’’ says N .
“I don’t like the idea of being clones, the same straight hair, skeleton skinny bodies, skyscraper heels, French pokey nails why cant they accept me as I am?” says D
Read N’s mind
I’m so frustrated. Frustrated when I wake up to the beautiful sunrise knowing I cant enjoy it but have to drain all my energy in the gym. I’m frustrated when I see the new extra large track pants I got as my birthday gift. I’m frustrated when I see my beautiful sister wear nylon legging and beach bunny swim wear. I’m frustrated when I look in the mirror to find the swollen version of myself. I’m frustrated of feeling so tired all the time. I’m frustrated of seeing the book shelf full of how to get skinny in 10 east steps and other book on the subject. I’m frustrated because all my friends have the perfect bodies. I’m frustrated because it feels like I have left no stone unturned I frigging tried all possible diets available online, I visited a nutritionist , I drain my energy in the gym for 2 hours daily, I tried and lived on maple syrup and water, I bought clothes in size small to get motivated to fit in them, I stopped having my favorite coco cola, I don’t own any fat except a small bottle of olive oil, I wear butt shaping shoes, I tried eating fat loss tables, I tried hot yoga. I failed aerobics, I own a treadmill and elliptical, I have a drawer full of slimming creams. I only eat fat free yogurt. I have a book in which I write all I eat. I even tried pooping and puking even drinking vinegar, thank goodness I dint get bulimia! I even tried that Chinese trick where you rub you stomach circular to loose weight. I tried Jennifer aniston’s baby food diet I probably would have even tried a dog food diet if it existed! I lived on cabbage soup and only used sugar free. I drank 10 glasses of water ‘’ugh I had to pee ever hour’’ I drank some tasteless slimming green tea. I bought a pink yoga mat and big exercise ball. I’m frustrated of eating. I'm frustrated of not being able to relax in my body. I’m frustrated of feeling disappointed .I’m terrified of a double chin and pillow arms. I'm just frustrated. Frustration really sucks. I can’t imagine someone ever eating tapeworms to get skinny oh please, I’m obsessed not crazy! IV lived through the freakiest diets from skinny bitch to iPhone weight loss to cookie diet to hungry girl. Wow I’m amassed I’m still alive and OK IV tortured my body for a very long time and now I see it’s stopped listening to me. No diet seems to work, exercise is killing and even after all this I’m frustrated.
“I was not born fat. I was healthy. The society though always wanted a Rolly Polly me. ‘Ah! So Sweet. Oh! So cute.’ Were the words my mother loved to hear about her baby. So she began to encourage my round stomach and cute full buttocks and chubby cheeks. I wanted to grow strong and beautiful but not fat and ugly. The food always gave strength and energy. Gradually the baby me began to grow in a compulsive eating disorder imitating some family members and goaded by some other till I got a complex, ‘Oh God I am so fat!’. The eyes didn’t like what they saw and the strength got burdened with the flesh. I certainly didn’t want this body when I saw a Victoria Secret model walking the ramp in her goddess like body. My eyes envied the contours on her body. My contours felt stiff versus the flexibility of what I saw. Where did these people get their energy from? What and alignment of shape and strength they maintained? What could they be eating? If only I could feel so goddess like curvy and healthy, my perspective towards life would change. I would, if I changed never want to come back to what I was. My body felt like a dull spongy blog in existence having abused it for god knows how long. I now longed for a transformation. I didn't want this body image anymore, I wanted it to make way for a new beautiful, strong and healthier visibility. Life had gone totally unbalanced and I had lethargically adjusted my new life style to that imbalance. I myself had created with the help of soothing foods and a sympathetic family. But now the comforts of the folds of my flesh were becoming a bit too comfortable for my free movements. I would rise in the morning to stiffness due to heavy load I carried on myself. And flexibility had flown out of my body dictionary. I felt miserable as I stood in front of the mirror I hated this body vision. That was not at all what I would have liked but I had got used to it and had accepted it humbly with a plate blueberry cheese cake in one hand. The blueberry cheese cake patted my mind into an acceptance mode. My tongue began to like its tastiness in stead of speaking the truth to myself. I had reached a stage of ‘a willing suspension of disbelief’. Life was not possible without a healthy body and yet how I had overlooked my health to see the stuff in the refrigerator? I took so much care to arrange the refrigerator shelf with the right stuff in the right places. My kitchen was so well organized in spite of my not so organized, neglected body. In my over obsession of the outsides of my body I had in time neglected my body totally and it showed the suffering it had gone through. My unhealthy diet of processed foods, refined foods and beautiful artificial coloured foods had gradually cheated me robbing me of good nutrition. Today I was living sans vitality and a sense of positive body image. The unhealthy stuff I had constantly kept into myself showed a negative mental approach. I had begun to hate myself. But today I have decided to bring about a change in the body temple my God has gifted me with. I was no longer going to be ashamed of the mess I had made of the beautiful gift I was born with. I was going to clean the mess by working on it. The embarrassment had to be locked out of my mind. What would the people say who saw me walking towards fitness, would have to keep saying what they wanted as I would gradually transform myself. I had made up my mind that I was going to move on. O.k., fine, I made a mess. I was ashamed of what I had become but if I continued to be ashamed and hide in shame, I would get worse. I was going to be shameless about the shameful eating disorder I had nurtured till now. I began to then work on myself physically and mentally by sending to my mind truly encouraging messages as against the negative messages my body and mind had been receiving since long. As I shut my eyes now, I see myself as a store house of energy with sparks of powerful stamina.
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